Third times a charm... Right?

They say good things happen in threes. The "rule of Three" is a writing principle that suggests things that come in threes are inherently funnier, more satisfying, and more effective that other numbers of things.
This holds true in slogan "Go, fight, win!" or The Three Stooges.   

So, when my doctor prescribed us to three months of clomid in November to increase our changes of getting pregnant, I was very optimistic! I thought it was just that extra piece of the puzzle we needed to have the advantage. (Kinda like having the answers to the test before you even sit down and take the exam) I was anxious to start right away and followed Doctor's instructions to a "T", but Month 1 ended just like most before it, in disappointment and tears.

 Month 2- I was 100% convinced I was pregnant. I had every symptom in the book. I even told Barry, "I know I'm pregnant. I don't need a test to tell me!" I had thought for months that we would get pregnant before the end of the year, so of course December would be OUR MONTH! That month hit us in the stomach, like a punch that "knocks the wind out of you and you aren't sure if you are going to be able to get back up from" type of punch. I felt defeated.

 I didn't even want to take the clomid in January, but knew our doctor would ask and I wanted to make sure I could confidently say that we followed all instructions and it didn't work. Barry and I already started talking about our next step and didn't give this month much thought. I was starting to accept the fact that we need to see a specialist and get more answers... until the day "Aunt Flow" was supposed to show came and went without anything happening. All the sudden I had hope again. My thoughts raced, "Maybe I just needed the distraction and God was going to bless us with our baby and spare us the physical and emotional pain of seeing a fertility specialist." Each day that passed, my hope grew bigger and bigger. Even a negative pregnancy test ...(OK, three lol) couldn't bring me down from this new found hope, until Monday night...

 ...There she was. I immediately fell apart. My thoughts bounced from, "This can't be happening" to "Why me? Why us? We are good people that will raise this baby with all the love and care a baby could ever need or want!" I went from angry to sad and right back to angry all evening. I cried til I had nothing left.  My amazing husband, God bless him, just held me all night. We don't even have to say anything now, what can you say?

After having a couple of days to digest everything, today we made our next move and scheduled a consultation with a fertility specialist. This is a very scary step, but we are ready for the next step in our journey!

 Thanks for all the support, messages, and encouraging words :)



                                             

And a little TTC humor.. :) 

2014. Debt, Advocare, Dogs, and Making a Baby :)

 

Most people begin the New Year celebrating with friends, excited about leaving a year in the past and ready for a fresh new beginning. It's a time of reflection, goals, and resolutions. It's a cleansing time, really, like an artist looking at a blank white canvas ready to paint with an array of colors and brushes. When you are so hopeful and can't help but feel like, "This is the month.. This is MY month" the let down never gets easier...

 

 I had already planned how I would tell Barry. I should know by December 30th so it was perfect timing. We would be at Dawson's with all our friends while I "pretended" to sip on champagne throughout the evening. I can picture being in the back room, dancing, singing, and laughing... just waiting for the countdown to begin. It would start "5,4,3, 2... "I'm pregnant!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"I pictured the look on his face and his excitement knowing how long we have hoped and prayed for this moment. 

Instead, we both struggled through the evening, trying to put a smile on our face, and enjoy the evening. We left an hour or so after midnight and drove home in silence. I knew he was hurting and as he knew I was, yet nothing either of us could say would make things better. We ended up in tears soon after walking into our house and just let it out. All the frustrations, anger, disappointment that was built up over the past 14 months finally came out.  We realized how much we tried to hide our feelings from each other in order to protect one another from hurting even more and vowed to keep our communication going strong. This journey will only continue to bring us closer as a couple and stronger in our marriage.  while we tried to continue to look on the positive side of things and keep looking ahead to a New Year. 

 

After our much needed talk on New Year's Eve we came up with many positive thoughts/ideas to focus on in 2014:

1. Debt. We never saw our debt as a problem or an issue. I always thought it was "normal" to have a mortgage, car payment, or student loans, yet since reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover we now have a better idea as to what we want our future to look like.  We have a high goal of paying off $60,000 this year, which include my student loans (Boiler Up!) and both of our vehicles. This enables us to sit down every week and discuss our progress while giving us a focus/distraction and will create a better future for our family. 

 

2.  Advocare. This gives me more time to build my Advocare business to the level I need to replace my full time salary. We are currently at the Silver level, but a Gold level would represent the option for me to become a work at home Mom which is something I believe I'm going to want very much. One of the things I love most is that I get to help so many people achieve better health, income, and see them grow into amazing leaders. 2014 is going to be an amazing year for our business.

 

3. Dogs. I warned Barry not long ago, "You either give me a baby or another dog!" LOL Smokey wasn't adjusting well to my new schedule since I started full-time with NIFS and we are thinking he needs a buddy! This is still in the very early stages of planning so please check back for updates on this decision. P.S. How cute is this?!

 

4. Baby making Plans: We are currently in the 3rd cycle of 50mg of Clomid. My doctor doesn't think anything is wrong with either one of us and thinks the Clomid will help give us the boost we need to conceive. We shall see!